I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
