I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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