would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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