you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Quick, to the slutcave!
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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