That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
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