Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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