Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
And my parents said I crawled through the house
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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