Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
