why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
