It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
