so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Do vagina's smell?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
