dude i'm inner monologue high
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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