you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
