this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
