party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
