He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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