Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My ass is underappreciated
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
