Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
