im gay
i know
yea but for you.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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