i wish there were pregnant emoticons
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
