this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
