And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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