There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
