a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Let's paint friendship bongs
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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