clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
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