You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
