even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
