pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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