Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
