i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Randomize
