It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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