I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
