and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
