she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
