Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
