Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
