i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize