She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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