thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
