I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize