you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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