I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
well, you know. whores of a feather.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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