thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
