dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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