Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
