with your own penis?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
