i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
