You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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