He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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