I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
