these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
