My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
