Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
