he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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