he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
