I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
