I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
