You're my little dorito
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
