my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
