Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
