I'm sorry my penis didn't work
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
