Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
