hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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