is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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