There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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